There is a song I like from Texas, called ‘In Demand’ – the video featuring Sharleen Spiteri and the late Alan Rickman, being chauffeur driven in a convertible through the night. He plays the role of the demonstrative lover, holding and cosseting a playful Sharleen. The lyrics tell a slightly more complicated story, the song is to her ex ‘you never had our love written in your plans’ to ‘but now I’m in demand’. The real story is about coming out of a relationship, and finding out what it’s really like to be ‘in demand’.
Dating is so important post-divorce, or at the end of any long-term relationship. This is a time when confidence can be at an all-time low and may need slowly rebuilding. Loss of identity can occur whilst in a difficult relationship and dating can be a great way to recover this, a time to have fun, to rediscover your hopes and aspirations and what makes you happy to be alive. Fundamentally dating is important in helping someone believe that there can be a light at the end of a long, dark tunnel.
As in real life though we soon see that things aren’t all they were quite idealised to be, the older romantic lover has to go back to his regular life, and Sharleen is left looking quite bereft. This was not meant to be a happy ever after. Experience tells us this is quite often the way, we have all heard about ‘rebound’ dating. But while it may be a cliché it is also necessary, we all need that first post-break up experience to get us back in practice, back to experiencing what it is like to feel ‘in demand’, amazingly good for one’s self-esteem and an important part of the journey to finding yourself again.