Mind Games and Marathons

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goal, half marathon, Inspiration, marathon, mentor, mentoring, pacer, role model, runner

Having just watched the final 10 minutes of the Nike team’s efforts to smash the 2 hour marathon barrier I reflected on my own running experience this week.

While I’m no Olympic standard athlete – and my race of choice is the half-marathon, I learnt an interesting lesson when I used a different tactic in this week’s run. For my 5th half-marathon, I decided to ditch my standard practice of listening to music through my headphones and using the rhythm of music to spur me along, instead opting to follow one of the pacers that were provided for the race.

Pacers were provided at the Milton Keynes Half Marathon, each with their target time emblazoned across their neon running vests, holding balloons aloft, so you could find them amidst the 10,000+ runners taking part that day. I spotted the 2 hours 15 pacer, a tall lady, which appealed to me. I sidled over and made contact and stood near her while we were waiting for the race to start. My usual half marathon completion time is around 2:25 so I thought following her would be a good target for me. She was actually the slowest pacer available, so it was follow Janet and try for a faster than usual time or run my own race with headphones and a questionable outcome.

We started and the usual chaos of the opening few miles with runners all around cutting in and overtaking were made steadier as I only had one thing to focus on, keeping Janet in my peripheral vision. I enjoyed not having my headphones on, as I could take in the sounds from the crowd lining those early streets cheering us, the gospel band singing as we made it into the town centre, the music blasting out under bridges. It was clear Janet was well-known and ran for one of the running clubs as there was lots of banter and encouragement from the crowd as I and others in her posse made our way around the course.

The starting pace seemed slow and it was good to know that the usual mistake of over-exertion in those opening miles wasn’t made as the pace we started at remained constant. The early miles flew by, and the first time I was aware how far we’d run we were at 7 miles already. All the time Janet had been either in front of me, to the side, or slightly behind. I stayed close to her, rather than running further away and just keeping her in my sights. For some reason it felt reassuring. I enjoyed not having to think about my pace, not to think about anything, just keeping next to Janet. If too many people got in-between Janet and I, I would work so that I could get back in close.

The feeling that I had following Janet and keeping pace, that certainty that her pace was right, and the trust that I had in her steadiness surprised me. A slight panic would come if I drifted and got more than a couple of metres behind. What could this tell me? I thought about the role models we have in our lives, and how we all need someone to aspire to. Sometimes when we can’t think, and we can’t see the wood for the trees, we need those ‘go-to’ people that can guide us, because they know us, they know our true selves and if we are panicked, lost and under stress they can be our harbour of safety, setting us back on course and pointing the way. I also thought if we don’t have these role models, these people we aspire to learn from, to draw on, we need to seek them out, and cultivate those relationships.

I compared my race so far with my previous races, with my headphones and music pumping. I would be lost in my own world, out of tune with what was going on around me, isolated. The music could help at times, a good song, a good beat, could help step up the pace, but at other times a change in song could disrupt a running rhythm that would have otherwise continued.

As we were nearing the 9 mile marker the sun was out. It was warm, a runner’s nightmare. To my surprise Janet pulled off her neon vest and said ‘Carry on ladies’ to our little group as she slowed and then stepped out of the race – I was dumbfounded! What? My pacer had gone! OK I thought – I just need to keep going, to keep the same pace. Although now I could feel how tired I was, when I hadn’t felt it before as my only focus was on Janet. I managed another mile, wondering what had happened. All of a sudden I felt very alone, the ‘team’ that had formed around Janet had dispersed, and I was running my own race. At around 10 miles I thought maybe I should try the music, and fiddled with my headphones, dropping them, picking them up, I could feel I was losing my rhythm, my focus. A couple of good songs helped, then, as the sun was beating down heavier now, and a hill loomed in front of me, I stopped running and walked. I knew I was failing myself, but I couldn’t get past the feeling of being slightly adrift, and lost, after relying on my pacer for so long.

The wry thought crossed my mind that this is like life too, we shouldn’t rely on others so much that we can’t then stand on our own two feet. There are times when we need to. There are times when we need to be the one to set the pace. I thought about times in my life when I have stood alone, and stepped out into brave, unchartered territory, and made tough life choices. I thought about my children and how I have to be a role model for them, and the hard things they have to deal with and how important it is that they can see me leading from the front. I managed to walk/run the rest of the way dispensing with the headphones and instead using the crowd cheering us on through the final couple of miles until I passed the finish line.

My final time was 2:21, which wasn’t bad. I’m not so worried about the time achieved, but more on my own personal battle – I am cross that I lost focus when my pacer stopped, and wish I could have been more resilient to have kept pace after that. I will take that with me into the next race, as there is always a next time, and always a chance to improve, and to strengthen and train more for the physical challenge, which in turn helps to build up the mental resolve, and plan for unexpected surprises on the way.

 Note: I met up with my pacer Janet afterwards, and found she had stopped due to an asthma attack. Brave lady, she took a break for 4 minutes and then carried on the race.

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A colleague and mentor remembered

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cancer, career, coach, colleague, consultant, friend, mentor, mentoring, work

A few months ago a trusted friend and colleague passed away. Some months previously at my Dad’s funeral there was a group of his former work colleagues there, all from different employers. Some of them had worked with him over 30 years ago. They told me how my Dad had helped and mentored them early in their careers and it struck me how strong these work relationships can be when we reach out and help others. That was certainly the way I felt about how Debbie had helped me over the years.

I wanted to pay tribute to her and to capture what she meant to me which is why I penned the below:

I knew Debbie over a period of 16 years. I was in my first role in a large organisation as the Training Manager, and she was recommended to me to deliver some of our management training. Over the years that followed I began working with Debbie more and more. In a time where I was bombarded by other consultants offering me their services, I found Debbie to always offer sensible, practical solutions backed up with real experience. She never tried a ‘hard-sell’ approach with me, and certainly never touted for business, but instead she responded to my questions of ‘do you have any suggestions of how I should go about this…’ by giving her advice. If it was something I could do myself without paying for any external help, she would say so. It was this impartiality and generosity that led me to trust Debbie and her judgement implicitly over the years, making her my first go-to person whenever I was faced with a new challenge.

Very quickly we got to know each other personally, both having a child at the same age. Our catch-up phone calls extended into catch-up lunches, where we would talk for ages about family and personal things, as well as discussing our joint work projects.

On a professional level I enjoyed working with Debbie as our skills complimented each other well. She was organised and practical, and would efficiently manage all the management development programmes she ran for me over the years. I could always trust her to be prepared, organised, and calm. She was also personal and engaging, and presented and delivered effective training, as well as introducing me to a great network of other professional trainers. She had great attention to detail, and extended her business to becoming a centre for the Chartered Management Institute when I was looking for accredited solutions.

Debbie was an excellent listener, and used her listening skills to good effect as a consultant, listening to me describe the work-place issues I was trying to resolve, and she would easily pick out and identify what they key points were and suggest a way forward.

These attributes were all part of who Debbie was, and the times that we talked on a more personal level these same listening skills were employed. By now I had moved on to a new role in a larger organisation, but was still using Debbie for all of our management and leadership development training (Other providers I had tried just did not have the same attention to detail). She was growing and developing her business too, and over time our lunch meetings developed from considering solutions to work-place problems into peer to peer chats around our own career paths, as well as the usual personal and family stuff, plus now comparing notes on our recent shared interest of running (although Debbie was much more dedicated than me!)

Earlier this year I had some thoughts about my next career steps, and Debbie was the person I wanted to share these thoughts with. She had always been encouraging and instilled confidence in me. I hadn’t even realised it but all these years Debbie had been my unofficial mentor.

I have learnt so much from Debbie. She has been my role model of what a good consultant should be like, interested and empathetic, solution focused without being over-bearing, and always extremely professional, clearly stating what she would do and by when, and always meeting any commitment. I know these attributes come from who she was as a person. She was interested in others, and a genuine and warm person who had high standards.

Spending time with her was always a pleasure, and I will miss her immensely, but I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to work with and to know Debbie for all those years, and for all the personal support and encouragement she most generously gave to me.

Mentoring: a formal arrangement or an informal conversation?

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career, coaching, lean in, mentor, mentoring, work

While formal mentoring schemes have been shown to deliver great results, quite often we can benefit greatly from those ‘informal’ mentoring conversations. Here’s my top tips on how to maximise informal mentoring opportunities:

1. Recognise those ‘informal’ relationships. For me it took the death of someone I had worked with for 14 years to realise that they had been my ‘go to’ person in the early part of my career, my unofficial mentor that I had taken my professional questions and challenges to. Over catch-up lunches to review work projects we always spilled over into the personal aspects of our lives, including careers and problems faced, offering honest, objective and challenging advice.

 2. Cutting both ways. A reciprocal arrangement can benefit both parties. This can work informally with peers also, and I recognise my conversations with my late friend benefited her as much as they did me, as I had strengths in areas she didn’t. She would help me as a sounding board, with questions related to my role where I benefited from an external perspective, and I helped her, drawing on my more creative approach when it came to developing her marketing plan for her business.

The current fad for ‘reverse mentoring’ plays on this reciprocity, and seeks to capitalise on filling knowledge gaps that executives may have with new technology, for example, by pairing with mentees that can pass their knowledge upwards.

In general, any mentoring within the same company is going to have benefits for both parties. The mentee may receive direct assistance, but the mentor may pick up on useful information on what’s going on ‘on the ground’ in the organisation, as well as greater commitment from colleagues and a sense of fulfilment and pride.

3. Look for opportunities. Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook COO, in her book ‘Lean In’ suggests that grabbing a moment after a meeting or in the hall to ask advice from a respected and busy senior person can work. It need not be any more that a casual and quick exchange. After taking any advice, it would be appropriate for any would-be mentee to follow up to offer thanks and then to use that opportunity to ask for more guidance. Without even realising it, the senior person becomes involved and interested in the junior person’s career. The word ‘mentor’ never needs to be uttered. The relationship is more than the label.

 4. Go where there’s a real connection. There is a place for being given a mentor, as typically happens through a formal mentoring programme. However, if seeking your own, be wary of asking a virtual stranger ‘will you be my mentor?’ The strongest relationships spring out of a real and often earned connection felt by both sides. If those connections don’t exist, then networking and cultivating those relationships needs to be the priority.

After a few long conversations with a potential supplier I recognised they possessed a knowledge and experience base that was useful for me, and as we had established a good rapport, it wasn’t scary to ask if they could meet with me a couple of times to have a mentoring conversation.

5. Use your peer network. Sandberg also talks about how peers can mentor and sponsor one another: ‘Friends at the same stage of their careers may actually provide more current and useful counsel’. Taking time out of the working day to do things like go to lunch with a colleague provides a perfect way to give time for these discussions.

 6. Preparation, preparation, preparation. Whether a formal or informal conversation, preparation is key. A senior executive will respect an approach or a request for their time if the mentee has done their homework. Asking specific insightful questions of someone that has ‘been there, done that’ may yield greater results than just asking for a portion of their time to ‘pick their brains’. Your problem or needs as a mentee is not their problem, so make sure you are not asking for things you could find out on your own.

Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead, Sheryl Sandberg

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Having your cake and eating it…